I'm probably a bad example of this, because I basically am only into guys that ignore me. Nothing revs my engine like not getting attention.
Do you remember when you were 10 and your parents FORBID you to walk to the shop with Timothy Balfour after school? EVEN though the shop was on the way home from school AND even though all you could think about was shovelling Cadbury’s caramel chocolate into your piggy little pre pubescent face (what? Just me?!) AND even though it was literally across the road from the end of your Mum’s allocated safe-zone AND even though Timothy was DEFINITELY one of the more responsible kids living in the area?!- (Jones brothers, I’m looking at you!) Well I do. And do you know what made that perilous adventure all the more sphincter tighteningly exciting……..? The fact that your Mum/Dad/Grandma/House Mother had told you you couldn’t.
It’s human nature. Songs have been written about it. Relationships have ended because of it. International wars have started thanks to it.
WE ALWAYS WANT WHAT WE CANT HAVE. Straight people crafted the idea, from Romeo and Juliet to Brad and Angelina. But gay men, we took it to a whole new level.
I was recently dating a guy who shall remain nameless. Let’s call him Angela. Angela was handsome, funny and very sexually charged. Tick, tick and tick. But from the outset Angela made it all to easy for me. Now I can hear you rolling your eyes in your head (no I can literally hear you, you should get that checked), the archetypal horny gay man always on the lookout for something new- but this wasn’t that. I was excited about Angela, not Lindsay Lohan and a bag of coke excited but excited none the less. We both agreed to be honest with each other, and we both agreed there would be no games. Now, I’m a little nervous even writing this blog (I’m not nervous, balls of steel. I found out recently my mum read this blog and I still made reference to Lohan and Cocaine. Balls. Of. Steel.) incase a future husband/lover/Zac Efron picks up tips on my modus operandi. But there are no games, I don’t think holding a little back is a game, I don’t think sweeping your “crazy” under the carpet for a couple of months in the honeymoon period is such a bad thing, I think it’s necessary.
Games to me are things like waiting two hours to text back, or not being the first to text or locking them in your understairs cupcboard to test their interrogation resilience (I’ve got a past alright guys).
Boys- here’s the crux of the situation- you gotta make me want it. If my mum had sent me packing up to the corner shop with Timothy Balfour and a crisp £20 note I might have been less inclined to disguise myself……… with my full black balaclava……… in June. If the shop wasn’t off limits after school I might not have gained 4 stone in my teenage years only to live life as an adult gay male fighting off the fat like a sales assistant in Curries Digital on Black Friday. If the shop wasn’t so taboo, I never would discovered the real sugary excitement of the forbidden fruit that I’ve been tasting ever since.
We all want what we can’t have. It kind of makes the world go round. People work hard to affford the holidays they aspire to, girls strip so men will buy them the Gucci they don’t have, twinks will take a D for an all expense paid trip to the surgeon (I’m basically a poet at this point).
I’m probably a bad example of this, because I basically am only into guys that ignore me. Nothing revs my engine like not getting attention. I get a lot. Ask anyone. But if I do have your attention- Don’t give it all up. Be a bit mysterious, by mysterious I mean not planning our wedding on the 2nd date, I don’t mean skulking in dark hallways carrying a gun (unless we’re role-playing).
I had lunch with some friends the other day, And when I mentioned this blog idea and they were shocked. Watching two gay men be so shocked whilst eating very messy scallops was both very amusing and very displeasing to the eye. They were shocked that I like to work/werk for it. They were BOTH of the mind that they wanted the guy to be obsessed with them. To feel like their partner couldn’t get enough of them and they wanted extreme jealousy if they were to even look at another man. Now call me old fashioned but that sounds WAY more effed up than my thing. Atleast my thing, equal parties are bringing something to the table. Their way just seems a bit lazy, like “i’ll just gonna sit here and wait till some mentally unhinged guy comes along and becomes obsessed with me”. Sure. I do wonder though that if their wish came true- would they really still be so into it…….. or would they STILL want what the can’t have.
Side note for Zac whilst we’re on it- be funny. It’s so tiring always being the funny one. I’m hilarious. Ask anyone.
Right, don’t tell my Mum but I’m off to the shop to get a slab of Galaxy!
Smell ya later